Remembering all those that were lost on this day, one year ago. The little innocent lives that were taken and families ripped apart. I hope they find peace one day and I hope they find closure. Their wounds may never heal but I hope this holiday season is a little brighter than last years was for them. Evil did not win that day. What an amazing and powerful response.
It’s been three months. Three months since I landed back in the country from my study abroad session in China. I was officially done with grad school and had moved back to my home town, jobless. At first I was hopeful, excited, but most importantly, I was naive. I thought, who wouldn’t hire me? I’m awesome, smart and a hard worker. I was naive to think that in this job market that a Master’s degree makes a difference, especially in the DC market where they are a dime a dozen. I was naive to think that I could skate in hoping I could charm my way into a job. I have often thought – was all of this hard work for nothing? Was getting my Master’s degree a waste of money and a year of my life?
I recently read a blog post by Mary Schmidt. She metaphors the job hunt to dating – and she could not be more right. Fitting yourself into uncomfortable, stuffy clothing, while talking up how awesome you are. There have been so many interviews I have poured my heart and soul into thinking “this is the one – I can feel it,” only to be disappointed by a rejection email or worse no follow up at all. As I feverishly rewind my memories and slowly review every word that was said, every movement of body language and follow up thank you email sent – I’m left wondering – where did I go wrong? Was it my outfit? Did I not make enough eye contact? Did I make too much eye contact? Did I sit in the wrong chair? Was my hand shake too firm or not firm enough? Did I ask the right questions? Did I ask too many questions? Was I too relaxed? Did my professionalism come off phony? Was there something in my teeth?
There are weeks I pack my schedule tight with interviews. There was one week I had eleven interviews. Eleven. I was barely coherent by the end of the week. Looking back I have no idea how I made it through, because it is so unbelievably exhausting to be ‘on’ all the time and running around Northern Va and DC praying there was no traffic so I made every interview on time. I have traveled up and down the East coast hoping for my big break. I am lucky to have received as many interviews as I have. I know many people searching who can’t get interviews. So I am very thankful that I am at least getting to the first and second round of interviews. But I am also left wondering – why can’t I make it further than that?
I am on my own now, and have applied for more than jobs just in my field. I have applied for “right now” jobs to make ends meet at various restaurants, gyms, tanning salons and temp agencies. Through this tiring process I have heard many reasons for why I didn’t get ‘the job.’ My two favorite that have made me stop and think are:
1. This was from one of those “right now” jobs I was talking about: “I can tell from your resume you wont be here long, so why should I bother wasting my time and money training you.”
Fair, valid point. It was a compliment, in an odd fashion. But I was willing to work, and show up for every shift no matter what day or time because I still need to make ends meet. I felt completely hopeless. If I can’t even get a “right now” job, what am I to do?
2. “We really like you and you did really well in your interview but we decided to go with another candidate who seems to fits better with our corporate culture. We hope we aren’t making a mistake.”
Two things: One. We hope we aren’t making a mistake – they literally said that to me. Awkward. Two. I wouldn’t mind the corporate culture comment so much but that is one thing we specifically talked about in the interview. They asked me what I was looking for, culture wise, in a company and I explained. The interviewer shook her head and said: “I’m so happy to hear that because that is exactly who we are.” Needless to say, I was left scratching my head.
The worst is running into family and friends you haven’t seen in a while and they pretend to not stalk you on Facebook and ask that dreaded question: “So what are you up to now? Do you have a job yet?” And,trust me, everyone will have an opinion on what you should be doing: “Have you tried this? This worked for my best friends, sons, girlfriends, dad,” “You need to hang in there,” “Keep trying, don’t give up.” I just kindly smile and thank them for their support but can’t help but feel judgement. Maybe this is self imposed because I feel like I have failed. I have failed my biggest supporters, my parents, because I’m not successful, I have failed my education because I am buried in loan debt and have absolutely no way of getting out of it any time in the near future, I have failed every internship I have had because I am not executing what I learned there in my job but most importantly, I feel like I failed myself. Countless failed interviews, rejection letters and dead ends. I worked my ass off to get my undergraduate degree in three years – pushing myself to be on a sports team, have an internship, work part time and even tackle 18 credit hours on top of that. To top that I picked a fast track Master’s degree program that consumed a year of my life and pushed me to be a better PR person. But three months out and I’m still jobless. I know, I know, it’s only been three months. But at the same time – It’s. Been. Three. Months. I have had many breakdowns because this process is exhausting – emotionally, mentally and physically. But crying gets your no where. So I’m dusting myself off and telling myself to get my PR ass back out there – figure out how to brand myself and market who I am. If my pitch isn’t working – why not? What are the key messages I want to get across?
So here I am: It’s a new month, about to be a new season and I’m going into month four of my job hunt. I’m tired of feeling rejected. It can REALLY ware on you. I have learned so much about myself through this process and not only about what job interviewers expect from me, but what I expect as an interviewee. So, I have decided instead of being a ‘Negative Nancy’ about every rejection email or phone call, I am turning this into a learning experience because that is exactly what it has been thus far. I just needed some time to see that.
The job hunt is a lot like dating – you have to go on a lot of bad or awkward interviews (whether it’s on their end or yours, because it’s just as important that the company is a good match for you and you are for them), spend your time waiting for your phone to ring, click the refresh button so many times on your email you’re afraid you might break your mouse and even experience those hard rejections before you find the one that fits. Staying positive will help with the journey. Finding balance in your life when everything feels like it’s a complete shit show is hard. I decided that my balance is going to be my diet and my workout routine. Those are things I can control – among everything else that I have no control over – I know I can control those and I will feel better about myself in return.
I’ll keep you updated on my journey and how things go from here on out. Just as fall starts, I’m turning over a new leaf and hoping the right job comes up soon!
My sister shared this with me and every word could not be more true.
MEGadventures 
